‘Mom I see you... I can hear what you say!’

Often, our children and even us for that matter, have fixed stories in our minds about the kind of people we are.

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Consider this– when a child thinks they aren’t good enough, they get angry and become very aggressive.
STOP...THINK.

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This isn't because they think they are like that; when people around them say the same thing again and again, it becomes their story. The biggest influence here is from the parents... if we unknowingly tell them ‘mean’ things, shout or feel irritated, it gives them the signal that they are causing their parents pain, and start believing this about themselves!

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A few ways by which we can change the way our children think about themselves:

• Consciously trying to use positive words, even if and especially when feeling irritable and upset. Remember, your REACTIONS become their REFLECTIONS!

• Instead of saying, ‘You are …’ use, ‘I feel …’ in a positive language. It can change the tone and direction of the conversation. Sometimes, accusing each other or blaming the child is easier than thinking about how to improve our own reactions.

• Rethinking the labels we use to describe them, in front of them. When we say, ‘you are aggressive/angry/ moody/troublemaker/never listening,’ this can become their narrative about who they are. Using positive labels such as ‘strong/confident/a good son/daughter/child’ can boost their morale in ways we as parents cannot fathom.

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A small effort sometimes can be a big change maker, and the language we use is the key to this game change. If we care for our children, families and partners, it's not only important to know what to talk about but also, HOW TO TALK!